The giant dump truck of suck pulls up to the cd player and unceremoniously dumps its steaming pile right into the drawer. That's what you can look forward to with Mennen's "Freakazoid", and its misfortunate series of songs. You really have to wonder what this band is going for. Their unfashionable "look" is of angsty teen punk rockers, but they all seem to be way over 30 years old and more than a teensie bit silly in their getups. The album cover, with a weird freakish creature with a "hip" and "stylish" tongue piercing, the pink muscle hanging out of its face no less, is poorly rendered and its laughable poorly scrawled cartoonish quality and messy clashing colour scheme is another red flag for the disc.

Then there's the music itself. It's all over the place. There are a couple of "classic" 80s styled rockers, but the majority skips between radio pop/rock with waves of distortion and irritating bass lines and limp, by-the-numbers ballads that would be more at home on Top 40 radio than anywhere else. That is, if the singer didn't completely stink with this type of music. Joss Mennen sounds passable when coupled with rich vocal harmonies and fluffy puff AOR in the footsteps of Skagarack and Treat. Just check him out on the first Zinatra disc back in 1988, the voice fit the music.

But here... it's another story. Someone with less of a high pitched range would likely make "Freakazoid" worth digging out of the pile but this mish mash of music doesn't gel with this voice, especially with the lyrics they have chosen to accompany their uninspired insipid tales. You can just imagine the band during a brainstorming session for the disc, coming up with one of these chords or flat vocal harmonies and going "Yeah! Rock! This is IT, the next big HIT." Erm, no. Every second of this tries just too hard at being modern and tough yet with sensitive sensibilities.

With song titles such as "Bob" and the over-used "Believe", it may be all one can do to NOT point and laugh. The lyrics are equally ridiculous and would have been right at home on any third rate glam band's 80s tender garage-produced debut. "Believe" features such classic lines as "I was walking in the sun today, it was just one of these sunny days..." And the opening track "Down" with "Feeling hot, feel the tension, all systems go, ,we live it up." We live it up? That same song also features some absolutely groundbreakingly rebellious and totally metal... whistling. It was cool with the Scorpions' "Winds of Change" but in this song's upbeat context and scattered musical statements, it just doesn't mix. In fact, it kicks off one of those giggle worthy moments that seem to come in droves with this release. There are also the times when Joss' voice just breaks and splinters apart as he transistions from one scale to another and it destroys any kind of groove that was previously established as the song sinks from passable to mediocrity and keeps falling down into that void.

The harmonies in "Rain" feel clunky, although some of the guitar and bass work is cool in a funky way. The vocals are too sharp for the music backing them up however. "Secrets and Lies" has this mid tempo plodding thing going for it, but the gang vocals are nicely done and almost save this one despite the fact it never really takes off. The softer piano middle is reflective and plushy, not quite fitting with the song, but does make it stand out.

"These Good Times" tries to hide Joss' voice under a veil of distortion in the chorus, one of my pet peeves and a pain to endure here. They end the normal running time of the disc (not including the bonuses of course) with a song about a Dutch beer, "Wicked White" and it is recommended to be toasted (quite drunk) when sampling it because even with its bouncable energy it is still a bland and run of the mill rock song.

For those that are established Mennen fans, this version of the disc comes well equipped with three bonus tracks of varying enjoyment. If you own their other four releases, this is enough to tempt one to perhaps picking this up, but only if you are predisposed to liking this group in the first place. The extra songs bring the total to a whopping fourteen tracks, which is a bargain any which way you look at it. Their debut was much better, harder and moved much more in the melodic hard rock direction with some classy choruses, which makes this one seem even more disappointing, this is a beast of another colour, so beware. Even "Age of Fools", the release before this, sported some killer songs and a direction that was like Queen melted with Van Halen and a dash of Saigon Kick.

I really wanted to like this, truly. It seems like on a first glance over the surface that Mennen could be one of those bands that can successfully gel rock radio in the "now" with melodic rock from the past, but unfortunately this just falls under the banner of pathetic attempts at reaching a questionable audience demographic, that I have had the misfortune of becoming acquainted with. A change of singers and some sprucing up of the lyrical content would bring "Freakazoid" more towards being acceptable, that is if the band continues to insist on plodding down this ill advised musical direction, but since the singer IS the band there's no chance of that happening. It is recommended to explore the four cds they released first before treading down this waste basket of throwaway tunes, because for a debut, a disc like this might be given the pass, but for a fifth release...it is just sad and about as edgy and outdated as a Saturn car full of Creed fans.

Written by Alanna
Tuesday, February 1, 2005
Show all reviews by Alanna

Ratings

Alanna: 4/10

Members: No members have rated this album yet.

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Comment by Mennen Sucks (Anonymous) - Thursday, February 3, 2005

I whole heatedly agree with you, Ionly wish that you could have posted pictures of the band, what a joke. The band consists of an elf, a back streetboy, a true freakazoid (mr Mennen himself) who is obviosly trying to cover up age with image, and a German with a lazy eye. I'm not sure what kind of power trip Mennen was on when he decided that the band should be named after him. The vocals and lyrics are by far, and i really mean it the worst part of this album. And I don't care what anyone here on this site says Allana is the best ever!!!

Comment by Jeremy (Anonymous) - Thursday, February 24, 2005

It's sad that some people only can give critisism, but hey it's an opinion. Luckily there are also people who love this kind of music !!!! I quote: MENNEN RULES HARD !!!!!

Comment by John (Anonymous) - Thursday, February 24, 2005

After reading this review , I was so curious that I had to check out Freakazoid for myself. And I must honestly say . Alanna you are totaly wrong . This album sounds fresh , got superb guitar riffs and solo's and very sensitive vocals .

Comment by nigel keny (Anonymous) - Friday, February 25, 2005

do I smell some frustration here from a wannabee who never made it? I just bought the album one week ago and after spinning it it for a couple of times I have to say that you are so wrong. Cannot even imagine that you even took the time to write so much words about it. Maybe in the end you are the drunk girl that never gets fucked at a party, because you ain't have tits.... this album rocks

Comment by Alanna (Staff) - Friday, February 25, 2005

View Profile Comments: 245 Hey, I liked their other four Mennen releases as well as the Zinatra disc with Joss - this cd just doesn't do it for me and the lyrics are quite bad! "All systems go, we live it up" isn't poetry. Seems strange that all three negative comments were posted so close together and so long after this review was published....hmmmm...leaked to the Mennen fanclub maybe??? Posted by Alanna (Staff) Friday, February 25, 2005

Comment by Jenny (Anonymous) - Friday, February 25, 2005

He girl, i bought this album. I think it's a great album!!!! I don't get what's your problem... It is more like you have something personnel against this album???!!!! If it was not like that you would not waste your time to write such a long article ( are you a disappointed groupie or sth ???!!!!) ....I also think that you don't deserve the opportunity to write articles, because you are not able to respect the work of other people !!!

Comment by nigel kenny (Anonymous) - Friday, February 25, 2005

hey! mennen doesn't have a fanclub, people are networking these days... don't apologize for your review it didn't make sense, too bad that you put all those words in it. maybe it was better to say "I am sorry I know nothing about music but I love poetry and I don't find any in this album, don't buy this one, buy the new album of Ashlee Simpson, she is true metal" makes more sense. good luck and go to a writng school maybe they can help you to write reviews that count.

Comment by Kees Jansma (Anonymous) - Monday, February 28, 2005

hello Alanna, you have got a cool homepage, but when I read your review of the latest Mennen - Freakazoid on your homepage, I was very confused, are you talking about the same Cd I bought, I hope not. Mine Version of "Freakazoid" is a killer Cd. A fresh Rock CD made by a great band from the Netherlands. My advice listen to it one more time and don't do the dishes in between or have a fight with your husband ! Or just stop reviewing cd's if you can't promise this ;-)

Comment by Matt (Anonymous) - Tuesday, March 1, 2005

I haven't heard the album but this review is automatically awesome for that first sentence. I use suck as an adjective too!! Not a joke or an insult or anything, I'm serious! There was this stupid kid named Edwin who lived next door and he would always say "That is suck!," etc, and it just kind of caught on.

Comment by mart smeets (Anonymous) - Tuesday, March 1, 2005

jesus, seems that this missy has a lot of frustration are you sure that you are not a wanabee writer who doesn't really get what it means to write? you are disgusting

Comment by David (Anonymous) - Tuesday, March 1, 2005

Dear Alanna, I was surfing the web , when I found this review of the latest Mennen release . It seems to me that there's some personal connection here . I never saw such an insulting review before. And who is mr. "Mennen Sucks" ?

Comment by Johan (Anonymous) - Saturday, March 5, 2005

What a waste of time to read this crap . Alanna , isn't there something else you could instead of writing reviews ? Probably not .........

Comment by nigel kenny (Anonymous) - Friday, March 11, 2005

so strange all the differences you can find your review sucks Mennen - Freakazoid - Escapi Not since 220 Volt's "Eye To Eye" have I heard such a cohesive melodic gem sound the way that CD did. When I listen to this CD, 4 bands come to mind. Now, when you read my reviews you know I rarely reference other bands but since melodic rock has taken a back seat to everything else I thought I would help reacquaint this stuff to people who may have forgotten what is it like. In my opinion, if you take 22o Volt, Extreme, Saigon Kick and The Scorpions, at least the best of what those bands were capable of, then you have the jist of what this CD is made of. Mennen have been around over a decade but are just now poised to make a dent in the U.S. by way of their deal with Escapi. The singer was in a band in the late 80's/ early 90's called Zinatra with folded and went without a trace. There have been some "melodic" bands try to make a go of it but not armed with a gem of a CD like Freakazoid. This CD is packed with memorable songs like the catchy opener Down to the power ballad Above The Water Line. Not to be a drag, but if this CD was released in 1990, this would be at minimum double platinum. I really believe in this CD and I totally back it becoming a success in America like I am sure it is going to be in America. If you like excellent melodic rock then you must purchase this CD!!!! 9/10 CD review by Jeffrey Easton

Comment by Jeremy (Anonymous) - Friday, March 11, 2005

Well thank you Nigel . This is what I mean ! MENNEN RULES REALY HARD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Alanna (Staff) - Friday, March 11, 2005

View Profile Comments: 245 I think its quite amusing when "people" take someone else's opinion as gospel. I've been reviewing CDs for nearly ten years now and listen to everything multiple times to give the disc a fair shot to grow. This one just doesn't do it. If you don't agree with me fine, but to take shots at a person PERSONALLY because they don't agree with your personal opinion is rather childish and silly. Sounds like some of you need to grow up a little and realize that not everyone in life is going to agree with you 100%. Just because "Freakazoid" doesn't rock my world does not mean you won't enjoy it. Everything I write attempts at being accurate atleast in what you can expect out of the cd and how it measures up to past projects. Is "Freak" like their previous albums? No. Did this affect my enjoyment of the disc? Most likely. I also wonder if some of you even read the review or did you just glance at the first sentence and the overall score? That's likely my final two cents on this subject. You wolves are now free to go ahead and pick me apart. Oh and if I wanted to be a groupie, I'd follow Europe. I'd love to be banged by Tempest or Norum, and not any of the crew from Mennen. Thank you and good night. Posted by Alanna (Staff) Friday, March 11, 2005

Comment by Alanna (Staff) - Friday, March 11, 2005

View Profile Comments: 245 Oh and what shortbus dropped you all off on this website? You all need to get back on it and ride back to your Mennen fansite. Posted by Alanna (Staff) Friday, March 11, 2005

Comment by Nicole (Anonymous) - Friday, March 11, 2005

Seriously, Allana's not the one that wrote the first comment it was me, and I have no issue with using the word sucks. If you bozos actually listened, like truley listend to this album you would probably agree with her. Yes, it is metal, but it is calculated. It fits a formuala. They did not try anything different. And if that is your type of music good for you, go for it. Don't dog Allana because she has her own opinions, just skip over the review after reading the first sentence, and get on with your sad excuse of a life where music that is bland, poorly written, and follows a lame fomula "ROCKS HARD".

Comment by nigel kenny (Anonymous) - Saturday, March 12, 2005

I have read the full review ( it was way too long) and didn't put any contribution to this site. I don't get why this site doesn't take reviewers who know how to write, maybe you are still 15. People who want to read a review want to know what the album is about and not what you think about it as a person. I think you have to learn to write objective reviews and don't put oyur frustration in it.

Comment by nigel kenny (Anonymous) - Saturday, March 12, 2005

oh yeah, don't count on Joey or John to bang you, they have better things to do. maybe fisherprice produces dildos????

Comment by mart smeets (Anonymous) - Saturday, March 12, 2005

nicole? are you one of the sisters of her boyfriend as with you 2 she can consider herself as having a social life? pathetic

Comment by nigel keny (Anonymous) - Saturday, March 12, 2005

the shortbus who dropped us here is called google

Comment by Dirk (Anonymous) - Saturday, March 12, 2005

Hi Allana, After I read this review , I also had to check out some other of your reviews and I found out that you are turning everything upsidedown . Good releases get bad reviews and bad releases are getting high rates. So , you are writing reviews for more than 10 years , right ? Maybe time to quit . It would be a good upgrade for this website !!!!

Comment by You people need to get a life (Anonymous) - Saturday, March 12, 2005

Listen, a review is an opinion. That's exactly what Allana gave you, her opinion. There's no point in insulting her just because you cannot respect her opinion. That just shows your poor character. Seriously, leave her alone. If you do not like her reviews, do not read them. There is no point in being childish, and vulgar.

Comment by get a life (Anonymous) - Saturday, March 12, 2005

And by the way you shouldn't biast your opinions of Allana on her social life. If you think you can write a better review, then do it. It is so un metal of you guys to be such assholes.

Comment by Kees ( from the working place) (Anonymous) - Monday, March 14, 2005

Hi Nicole, So you mean you would like to have a threesome , you Allana and hu,hu, Joe Tempest ??? Fat bottom girls you make the rocking world go wild !

Comment by Jeremy (Anonymous) - Monday, March 14, 2005

Hello Alanna, Listen, nobody wants to get personal and ofcourse it's your right to give your opinion on releases, but... If I may recall... I was the second one to give comments on the review and the only reason to do that was that asshole without a name who used MENNEN SUCKS as his/her name. THAT PERSON WAS IMMIDIATLY PERSONAL BECAUSE OF HIS/HER INSULTS TO THE BANDMEMBERS !!! I think the biggest, stupid shithead is the one who gave his/her first comment on this review @$#%!!... asshole !!!! And I think that opinion shook all of this up... Cheers, Jeremy

Comment by nigel kenny (Anonymous) - Monday, March 14, 2005

as alana became personal and the mennensucks became personal it gives us the right to become personal I suppose. it is so un-metal to do this...haha don't make me laugh wich part of fairytail land you live in?

Comment by Anja (Anonymous) - Thursday, March 17, 2005

Hi Allana , I just took notice about all this fuzz just because of a review. I must honestly say I don't know Freakazoid . But I think the tone you've set with this review asked for a response like you've got now. So maybe next time it's better if you would choose your words more carefully . Besides that Keep up the good work Anja Berends

Comment by Tiffany (Anonymous) - Thursday, March 17, 2005

Hi, I'm chocked to read all this comments over one not so positive review, but I must admitt NICOLE that it was not smart of you to give the bandmembers a insulting nickname... For all you know there's a huge fanclub of mennen who are all disgusted by the review and your first comment even if you support your friend !!!! Greetz, Tiff ;-)

Comment by David (Anonymous) - Thursday, March 24, 2005

Thanks Tiff , I totally agree with that. This should be about music , Nothing else . Cheers, Dave

Comment by pjotr wind (Anonymous) - Thursday, March 31, 2005

jesus what a sucking review and I have to say that if you want to be a serious writer you will have to stop to stop calling people names. maybe you don't know what a energy it takes to create an album. So next time when you write something try to write about serious things because it is so easy to knock an album out instead of giving a opinion that helps people to find out what there is to find. the most easy thing is to write all the bad things you wrote and in the end people are left with empty hands. because in the end people doný know what to think about this. if oyu don't know what to do with it don't write about it and pass it on to somebody who can write reviews!

Comment by Tommy Haighton (Anonymous) - Friday, April 8, 2005

What a crap you wrote down there Alanna . People are not interested in your frustrations , they want to have good information instead . This review realy sucks. ( one word I learned from you) .

Comment by Hertz Vanhire (Anonymous) - Friday, April 15, 2005

My God woman, you must have pre-menstral when you wrote this review, that's all I can say!! You wouldn't know a great album if it came up to your ugly face and smack you right between the eyes!! You want to remove the power tool from your ass before you write another review.

Comment by You folks are silly (Anonymous) - Tuesday, April 19, 2005

What's great is that because of all of the comments you guys are leaving this page is getting many hits. So, Allana will be doing more reviews. If you dissagree with her opinion it does not matter, have a sense of humor. And, once again the music is pretty bad. There are way better people you could be wasting your time idolizing.