Glen Burtnik's "Welcome to Hollywood", a sold-out CD of modern rock. If you like what rock radio plays, you will like this. Now move it along, nothing else to see here.

I guess you are expecting more of a review, and are going to make me listen to this thing again. Sigh. The torments we reviewers put ourselves through for our readers. To clarify things, I personally don't like anything on modern rock radio. Simply do not understand the appeal of all the cluttered distortion and listless vocal deliveries. No one seems to have that rock star demeanor anymore and few include real guitar solos in their songs. It just doesn't appeal, and "Welcome to Hollywood" is a carbon copy of this style. Glen Burtnik can do better, his 80s solo discs, "Talking in Code" and "Heroes & Zeroes" were both very well put together melodic rock records, and even his work in Styx hasn't been half bad. Unfortunately when the media pitch for a disc includes the words "barest of productions" you are kind of tipped off on what you are really in for.

"Super Boy" is absolute garbage, sounding like some unholy combination of the Goo Goo Dolls, Maroon 5, and Def Leppard's "Slang" wrapped up in this one ear-stabbing package. The vocals have that careless, "I'm reading this off of a cue card" quality that irritates me to death about so-called modern rock. "Welcome to Hollywood" is much of the same, except with some over processed production effects that muddle the sound and distort it. "Kiss Your Ass Goodbye" is even worse, as the album spirals down the toilet drain. It has a punk kind of feel about it that is abrasive and unappealing. Like Kid Rock? Then "When the Shit Hit the Fan" was made just for you. Yep, processed rapping vocals and the guitar rhythm base with the people yelling for the chorus. It is about as appealing as it sounds. "The Muse" is more alterna type stuff that just doesn't fly and lays on the rapping thing once again. Please give it a rest man, it just doesn't work. "Muse (Slight Return)" has a choir. And that's it.

"Cry" could be a country song with a little tweaking. Neither bad or good, it's kind of a "meh" in between. Take it or leave it, pleasant like elevator music. "Flash Before Your Eyes" has some promise, but blows it with too many vocal tracks that make the song sound like a cacophony of a mess. It tries to be almost new age in places, and falls flat and pathetic. Still only two minutes with something redeeming about it puts it heads and tails above the others mentioned. The pain doesn't last that long.

Thankfully not everything is utter trash heap material. "BAM!" kind of cool, lyrically and musically, its sparse as the press release promises so enthusiastically, but its biting qualities and some of the effects are well placed and done. It has a laid-back feel that helps encourage a more melodic friendly atmosphere. Very "now" commercial sounding, but the hooks are there and so is the quality. "Another" fares alright as a ballad, nothing spectacular but you won't go deaf listening to it. "Heart In 3" is somewhat redeeming, not song of the year or anything, but it feels like TNT's blown experiment "Firefly" which is much better than most on offer here. "Roses" is much of the same, there are some melodic moments, but the guitar is thickened into distortion and nothing fancy, just chords and whatnot. Very vocal driven (in fact you hear NOTHING else, talk about self indulgent!) "All That's Yet To Come" has the best delivery of the album, without Glen trying to rap or whine but just plain sing. Not bad.

And please don't take this praise as these tracks being something exceptional or even worth checking the disc out for. The modern rock stink is still there, just not as strong, and truthfully, once this album is shelved for good, these songs will likely never be revisited again. There's not enough draw, not enough melody or even groundbreaking approaches to make one want to pull it out and give it another whirl.

There's also some little intros and musical doodlings, these add nothing to the album except help to flesh it out a little more, but really, besides die hard Glen Burtnik fans and embracers of the modern rock movement, who is going to listen to this enough to appreciate the little extras?

You can call Burtnik an artist all you want, this album just a canvas for him to paint his creative vision or something. You can say he's a visionary, pulling melodic rock into the nu-breed feel of the here and now. But I call it like I see it, and that's modern rock crap. The guy has talent and quite the songwriting pedigree, that's for sure, but this solo album, after a six year wait, is a mish mash of everything I dislike about the current music scene in the states. A few songs, which are pointed out for you in this review, will not make your ears bleed like "When the Shit Hit the Fan" will, but really, there's so much better out there that's worth your time and money. And those that like what's on the radio would probably be much happier with current band releases than a wannabe trendy record from an 80s washout.

Written by Alanna
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Show all reviews by Alanna

Ratings

Alanna: 3/10

Members: No members have rated this album yet.

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Comment by Adam (Anonymous) - Tuesday, August 17, 2004

You're kidding, right? Alanna must be like 40 or 50 years old, right? Don't tell me - Alanna also doesn't like RAP music either. Like Frank Sinatra and Andy Williams, who were outspoken at the adventr of Elvis and the Beatles, Alanna is being A CRITIC of what is successful, and basing her entire review on what SHE HATES. This ain't journalism. It's ego tripping.

Comment by Adam (Anonymous) - Tuesday, August 17, 2004

You're kidding, right? Alanna must be like 40 or 50 years old, right? Don't tell me - Alanna also doesn't like RAP music either. Like Frank Sinatra and Andy Williams, who were outspoken at the adventr of Elvis and the Beatles, Alanna is being A CRITIC of what is successful, and basing her entire review on what SHE HATES. This ain't journalism. It's ego tripping.

Comment by C (Anonymous) - Thursday, August 19, 2004

Well, for people today who think the radio today is total TRASH, this album is a saving grace. That's all I'm gonna say cuz it's obviously a waste of time to try and argue with you.

Comment by Kristen (Anonymous) - Thursday, August 19, 2004

Man, you have no taste. I feel sorry for you. I hope your angry heart is pleased now that you've bitched and moaned about one of the greatest CDs of the year. Maybe you need some counselling :) Happy trails!

Comment by Meg (Anonymous) - Thursday, August 19, 2004

CRITICS need to be able to make comments objectively even though the music (or movies, whatever they need to review) are not their tastes, which your review totally lacks. I hope in the future you are able to do that.

Comment by Heather (Anonymous) - Thursday, August 19, 2004

It's obvious from the start that you were prejudiced against this album with your quote "I personally don't like anything on modern rock radio.". When you make up your mind to hate something ahead of time there's no way to give an objective review. I have WTH and I have listened to it many many times. Some of the songs I loved right away (Another, BAM, All That's Yet To Come, etc) and a few took a couple of listenings for me to truly appreciate them. But overall this is an incredible album, and one I recommend to all of my friends.

Comment by Mary Ann (Anonymous) - Thursday, August 19, 2004

I knew you were against Glen when you compared him to Kid Rock. There is no comparison to be made in my opinion. Glen can sing, write and play his own instruments. And the crack about "Cry" being a country song with some tweaking. You are so full of something and it isn't the art of a critique/review. Glen did write a number one country song for Randy Travis. You really need to do research before you plan to write a half a$$ review. If indeed Mr. Burtnik's disc was a modern radio air play, darnit, he'd be on the radio. Problem is he is talent and not gimmick. Why don't you go back and listen to "When the Shit hit's the fan?" As Glen so eloquently penned, "You better have your story ready." Because you did not.

Comment by Vicki (Anonymous) - Thursday, August 19, 2004

Methinks Alanna doth protest too much. It's pretty clear that what we have here is the ravings of a jealous wannabee. I mean seriously now, of "ROSES": "Very vocal driven (in fact you hear NOTHING else, talk about self indulgent!)" First of all it's a SOLO album. It is, by definition, self-indulgent. That's the whole point. Besides, if you heard NOTHING else then how could you describe the guitar work? Quote: "Roses" is much of the same, there are some melodic moments, but the guitar is thickened into distortion and nothing fancy, just chords and whatnot." Of course, in "All That's Yet To Come" the vocal work truly is all you hear (it is an a capella track), but no complaints of self-indulgence there. They still would have made no sense from the "it's a solo album you knucklehead" standpoint, but at least it would have been true that the vocals are all that you hear. Obviously someone here wishes she had one iota the talent of Mr Burtnik. She needs to tear him down to massage her own fragile ego, and it's pathetic. It is one thing to dislike an album and have constructive criticism of it. It is another entirely to "review" something you have decided to hate before even listening to it. To wit: "Unfortunately when the media pitch for a disc includes the words "barest of productions" you are kind of tipped off on what you are really in for." A statement which is, of course, completely contradicted by the complaints ""Flash Before Your Eyes" has some promise, but blows it with too many vocal tracks that make the song sound like a cacophony of a mess." and " "Welcome to Hollywood" is much of the same, except with some over processed production effects that muddle the sound and distort it." Both of these remarks seem to indicate that the reviewer would actually prefer less production effort. That conclusion further strengthened by the statement ""All That's Yet To Come" has the best delivery of the album" - but by nature of the track being a capella the sparest production of the album. Go fig. All in all I give this review a 1/10. Gripes about the current state of radio and jabs at other artists have no place in an album review. If you truly had reasons to not like the album they should have been given without resorting to the kind petty behavior on display here. At very least the review should have been coherent.

Comment by Suzanne (Anonymous) - Thursday, August 19, 2004

I am one of the Glen Burtnik diehard fans that you spoke of. And I think that this c.d. is well worth the years that we waited for it. Your review doesn't anger me . You know the saying ..." opinions are like A-holes..." as a matter of fact I found it amusing.Your openning sentence (and closing , had you had things your way)states >"If you like what rock radio plays, you will like this. Now move it along, nothing else to see here."< Then you go on to say that it includes rap, country , choir etc. When was the last time you heard gospel, country and rap on Rock radio?? So it's not the fact that you are blind to the actual diversity of the music on this c.d. It's just that in your openning sentence it made more sense to pretend that it didn't exist. That every song on the c.d. would sound like the next and all the listenner is in for is some Good Charlotte, New Found Glory wannabe B.S....?? Very informative writing. What I don't understand is why a " Heavy Metal/Hard Rock resource " is even bothering to review this c.d. Of course it's not going to appeal to your taste or that of your readers because it's not hard rock or heavy metal!! yes it has one or two songs with roots in hard rock and nothing that even barely resembles Heavy Metal.I think an appropriate response would have been " gee, I really have no business even doing a review of this because it has nothing to do with us and my mind is just too narrow to have room for all of these other things" Your lazy comparisons to Kid Rock are pathetic. When was the last time you heard any popular artist , especially Kid Rock have any messages that are as spiritual and positive as the ones on WTH? Okay... I have way too many thoughts in my head about how ridiculous your review was and I'm making no sense with them here. So I'm just going to stop here. You have a nice day ....

Comment by stmonkeys (Anonymous) - Thursday, August 19, 2004

a serious queston for 'revelationz'. if a "critic" hates "modern rock", why let her review a "modern rock" cd? it seems like an excercise in futility if you ask me. rather than giving someone an opportunity to be open minded and objective, which would best serve your readers, you allow someone with an already poisoned opinion to spew nonsense. To me, this just reeks of poor business management, not to mention the fact that it removes any sense of credibility from this website. If i had a music site, you would bet i'd be a bit more diligent in handing out assignments and have a more "proffesional" staff. Not someone who is probably in need of a midol. now, i happen to LIKE this CD. A LOT!!! I think the stand out tracks are Superboy, Welcome to Hollywood, BAM, KYAG, and All That's Left... and many of the ones i didn't mention deserve recognition in their own right. There is a refreshing mix of old and new here, and Glen takes a lot more sonic risks than many of his peers. an interesting, experimental journey with sharp critical commentary on the state of today's manufactured "pop" music. according to your scale, i'd give it an 8 out of 10. Have a nice day! :D

Comment by Steen (Staff) - Friday, August 20, 2004

View Profile Comments: 518 Hi stmonkeys! Thanks for your comment. I have not heard the Glen Burtnik album, so this is a reply to the first part of your question. As the guy running the site I of course couldn't leave that unanswered. I could write a whole essay in response to your question, but I will try to keep it short and leave all the deeper explanations out of the way. Though I do see where you are coming from I really don't like it when someone questions my integrity or the credibility of the site without the proper understanding of how it works. It is easy for you to say what you would do if you were in my situation. Get there and I will challenge you to do a better job. I would never send an album of a specific style to a reviewer who hates that style. Like you say that would be futile and also completely the opposite of what this site is about. The intent of every album I send out for review is that the reviewer will like it. Naturally that doesn't always happen, but the INTENT is always there. Of course we also have to tell people when we think something stinks. In general the way we write here is personal and not as objective as other places. I don't see any reason to bite Alanna's head off. She just doesn't like the album and thinks it's a load of crap. It is all a matter of taste... Just to clear up any confusion, one staff member does not speak on behalf of the other staff members or the whole site, but I will always stand 100% by any content on the site by any members on the staff. In the end we are all doing this in our spare time and all put a lot of effort into it. If you think that one review is enough for the whole site to lose all credibility, then leave now and never come back. Or you could stick around and just might discover something wonderful. To quote a late Norwegian band: "It's up to you!" Posted by Steen (Staff) Friday, August 20, 2004

Comment by Debbi (Anonymous) - Friday, August 20, 2004

I can't believe you actually listened to this CD. Are you sure you are talking about Glen Burtnik's, "Welcome to Hollywood"? If your answer to this question is yes.. I think you should probably see your ear doctor! Kudos to you Glen!! Your best work ever!!

Comment by stmonkeys (Anonymous) - Friday, August 20, 2004

hi steen! i appreciate the time you took to respond, considering there are probably a dozen other things more important or pertinent. (honest!) I am new to this site, and am glad you took the time to explain a bit about what you guys are about. I guess my (our) biggest complaint with the review in question was the writer's general attitude. "I guess you are expecting more of a review, and are going to make me listen to this thing again. Sigh. The torments we reviewers put ourselves through for our readers. To clarify things, I personally don't like anything on modern rock radio. Simply do not understand the appeal of all the cluttered distortion and listless vocal deliveries. No one seems to have that rock star demeanor anymore and few include real guitar solos in their songs. It just doesn't appeal, and "Welcome to Hollywood" is a carbon copy of this style." Somehow, i dont believe listening to this album is a "tormenting" experience. then again, everybody has their own personal likes and dislikes, which is why there are SO MANY different types of genres and sub-genres of music. However, if your job is to critique, perhaps it's better to approach something with an open mind. I guess many of us are just frustrated with the fact that it appears she was just going through the motions without giving it much consideration. Many of us belong to a mailing list to which glen personally sent out monthly updates with regards to the recording & creative process which culminated in this very cd. to have someone brush it aside in such a trivial, blase manner is a bit frustrating. perhaps she is right and we all have lousy taste in music. but somehow, i doubt it. if you have a few spare moments, check it out and let us know what you think. maybe your opinion will be different than hers. and maybe it won't. but listen to it objectively. i think glen deserves that. thanks.

Comment by Steen (Staff) - Friday, August 20, 2004

View Profile Comments: 518 Hey stmonkeys! It is always frustrating to have an album you like getting critique that you don't agree with, so that's why I understand where you're coming from. I honestly believe that everyone on the staff goes into every new album with an open mind. If that was not the case they would not be on the staff. I feel strongly about always having an open mind, in all situations. I really don't think it is about anyone being right. As I wrote it is a clash of different taste, not necessarily a lousy taste or a good taste, but a different taste. If I am able to get hold of the album I will definitely give it fair chance and let you know what I think here. I hope you'll check out the rest of the site and hopefully find something to your liking. Cheers! Posted by Steen (Staff) Friday, August 20, 2004

Comment by Alanna (Staff) - Friday, August 27, 2004

View Profile Comments: 245 Hello All, I think all here need to simmer down a bit and remember that reviews are simply detailed opinions. Every review I write is only after hearing an album many times and some I take longer than I really should to give the CD time to grow. I hate so many reviews on other sites because they basically write two sentences about the actual music and quote the majority of the press release and call it a review. I'm sorry but I don't do that. I actually bother to listen to the CDs, oftentimes excessively to give everything a fair chance. This one simply didn't grow on me, it just did not happen despite giving it extra time to do so. I also attempt to compare each album to every possible similiar band and style, to give those potentially buying it a clearer vision of what they are in store for. I for one value reviews that are not just the regurgitated press release, as I stated earlier. As for Glen's work, I am very familiar with "Talking In Code" and "Heroes & Zeroes", and wanted those that are expecting something similiar to those or anything at all in the AOR/melodic rock genre to be fairly warned. Those that love this CD so much, if you are NOT a diehard fan of Glen, and are into AOR/melodic rock with no appreciation for what can be heard when you turn on the radio, do you honestly think you would be interested in this disc? If it was anyone else? Taking a guess here, but likely not. To those that took shots at me, personally. I do listen to alot of rap and R&B music. "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West and "Save Me" by R Kelly are currently getting alot of play on pop/rock stations in my area, and that's rap/gospel. I also like Elvis and the Beatles. And JPop, and European Techno. I don't pull things out of the air and comment if I have no background in it. Saying "Cry" is like a country song is not a "crack" as one put it. I worked at a country radio station for years, and am very familiar with that style of music as well. Dan Huff is one of the most talented guys in the business and he's worked with Shania Twain among others... There are also hundreds if not thousands of artists that are trying to be modern that will never get radio play but put discs together. This to me, seems like another desperate futile attempt at media attention. Or perhaps that this is simply the page where Glen wants to be right now, who knows? But do any of you remember the whole fiasco in the mid 90s with glam bands attempting this tactic which failed so miserably then? How often did Warrant get airplay for any CD released after "Cherry Pie"? Not often. The bottom line is that this is a hybrid record with some blatant rips of various popular styles. If you have actually listened to Kid Rock you would pick up that "When the Shit Hit the Fan" is a poor copy of that. I never said that Kid Rock has spiritual messages, but the style of the music, the overall sound, is right there with him, if not lyrically. And here are some popular artists out there that are putting across good messages over the airwaves, the two urban artists I mentioned as well as Evanescence at times. And finally those questioning whether I should be reviewing this or not... Glen Burtnik is (was?) an AOR/hard rock artist, thus the CD fell into my hands for review. And I still maintain that anyone that expects the Burtnik of old will be sorely disappointed. And those that took the time to write in, I thank you for your comments whether you were being nice and voicing your opinion or taking shots at my credibility, intelligence, age, etc. often going beyond opinion into pure bashing. All feedback is welcome and appreciated. You are obviously diehards that would listen and love anything by Glen, and are the kind of fans that keep our artists fueled to the fire to keep producing music. But relax, it all boils down to differences in opinion. So chill and have a nice day. Peace, Alanna Posted by Alanna (Staff) Friday, August 27, 2004

Comment by Alice (Anonymous) - Saturday, August 28, 2004

Alas! Tis all too true, Alanna is quite correct in her assessment of this disc........sorry detractors, be truthful it is less than stellar , indeed just the remnants of a burned out star.

Comment by PARIS (Anonymous) - Thursday, January 6, 2005

ARE YOU ON CRACK???